I Have a Prayer, There Is One Who Hears.
Life is changing, time is flowing like water. When I will die is unknown... Inside me is a love for Allah that I cannot fully comprehend, a love that words cannot even begin to describe. A love that takes over my mind day and night, shaking my heart...
I think about the created beings. Those angels who are always by our side, on our right and left... Those incredible beings I believe in without seeing, yet always feel beside me... I have made them my companions; I speak with them. From within, believing with all my being..
What was the world? What was our purpose?
To know, understand, and obey our Lord who brought us into existence from nothing. To renounce even one's own self, to declare one's nothingness before Him. I know this was difficult. But I am His servant. A sinful, helpless, and hopeful servant who desires the difficult, who struggles to succeed.
How many more glasses of the wine of love must I drink? How many more miles must my feet walk? How much more time is needed to reach Him? Speaking of reaching Him, when lovers say they have reached Him, they cannot reach Him. Because the closer they get, the more love burns them. Its fire surrounds them like a circle, and the more the lover burns, the more he wants to burn.
That is why lovers wet their prayer rugs with tears at dawn. “Reunite us now! Put an end to this longing that consumes my heart. Either save me from myself, or never make me yours.”
I need a love that will bring me to you! I am searching for the owner of that voice calling me in my dreams. I know it is you calling me, my Lord! You are calling me with him. You are calling me... I will come to you, with all my being, with my heart... I beg you in the place of supplication, O owner of true love. Master of beautiful names... My Sultan... Accept my supplication. I need a companion, in whom I will find you, a companion with whom I will share secrets. A friend who will ignite the sparks in my heart, perhaps a companion.
I feel it, my God. These are the lines of a servant who has not picked up a pen in a long time. I am searching for that feeling that made me write. I surrender to you...…
I am pursuing that love that pulled Joseph out of the well. I am searching for that love that made Moses' tongue fluent, that parted the seas with his staff and enabled him to pass through. It won't be long now, will it, my Lord? The veils over my secrets will soon be lifted.
I am waiting. Centuries may pass, but I am waiting... O Lord, who created me and allowed me to benefit from the beauty of Your own existence. O master of my heart, who wove Your love into my heart stitch by stitch and dragged me into unknown lands full of love. Which of my sorrows should I share with You? With which of my sorrows should I wet my prayer mat with tears?
I know... Yes, I know You love me very much. That's why you give me troubles... So that while I'm struggling with all those troubles, I'll run to you without looking back. So that I'll come and open my hands and pray to you.
As my knees hit the ground, as my tears stream down my cheeks like a rope, I come to you, my Lord, with the fires in my heart and the sins I carry on my back... Who else do I have to go to but You? If I showed people even a handful of the sins I carry on my back, they would wrinkle their noses and immediately run away from me. They might even banish me to the farthest lands. They would despise me, look down on me, humiliate me...
But You? When I come to you not with a handful, but with a sackful of my sins, are you not the one who does not turn me away? Yes, it is you...
You are the one who takes the sack from my back and sets it aside, without even deigning to look inside, showering me with light through your love and mercy, purifying my soul, my body, my heart from sin..
Tell me, how can I thank you? Even if my forehead never left the ground in prayer for years and my wounds were bandaged, even if my tears filled every corner of my room like a torrential rain for years, would that still be enough to thank you? It's not enough, my Lord, it's not enough...
I cannot... I do not have the strength... No matter how much I thank you, I cannot repay my gratitude to you. I cannot praise you enough, and even that is not enough. You are as you praise yourself. So beautiful, so great, so unreachable...
Let me say “Alhamdulillah” to You from the depths of my heart; You already consider that one word equal to the words spoken over the centuries.
That is how it is, my Lord... These are my prayers, my supplications, my outpourings to you. Rejoice me by drawing me close to you. Settle my heart with your remembrance and your love. Provide for me from your bounty with your love and with the blessing of being your servant forever. Amen...
